You may know this about The Curmudgeon if you’ve read any more of my reviews (which I’m sure you have), but I’m a Comic Book Movie collector. I get everything, from the latest blockbuster to the obscure flops to the 1950′s cinema serials (which means having to buy copies from ebay… hey, it’s the only way to get them). So whilst this means having to watch some brilliant films and television, it also means having to watch some right bunk. I’m talking Tank Girl. I’m talking Catwoman. I’m talking Superman IV.

And guess where this is heading? Yup – I’m talking Popeye.

Praise where praise is due first – it looks awesome. Sweethaven is perfect, from the rickety shacks to the look of the characters themselves – if it were based on looks alone, Popeye would be a five star classic.

Now, the decision to make this a musical was something that never really bothered me; the old Fleischer cartoons were so musical in spirit and tone that it kinda makes sense. But here’s one of Popeye’s major faults – the songs are AWFUL. Not just bad or unmemorable.. not every musical has to be Wizard Of Oz, but they are brutal to listen to. Olive Oyl’s “but he’s laaaaaaarrrrge” song makes me want to hurl kittens at cars. Even talking about it now makes me have violent urges, so we’d best stop there. But someone somewhere in creative control really should have LISTENED to these songs (which are littered all the way through the film) and realised how abysmal and unlikable they were. But, alas, they didn’t, so we have a musical with the ability to create mass murderers.

Next up is Popeye himself. Now, he may LOOK the part, but there’s just something about watching Robin Williams here that is fairly unnerving – Williams doesn’t look at all comfortable in the role. Popeye is supposed to be shy, we get that, but never once does Williams convince as Popeye – we’re only ever reminded that its Robin Williams dressed up as Popeye, and looking rather embarrassed about it.

As for the other characters? Well, Wimpy is rubbish, Olive Oyl is as annoying as she should be (Shelly Duvall just has that “punchable” quality. Was I the only one cheering on Jack Nicholson in The Shining?) but Bluto is BORING, which is just unacceptable. Who can forget the cackling loudmouth from the cartoons, full of menacing quips and vindictive glee? Here he glowers and looks big. And, uh, that’s it.

For a movie aimed at kids, taken from old Segar comicstrips and Fleischer cartoons that were, and here’s a good word – F-U-N. The spinach eating finale (Popeye hates spinach in this – whu?!) aside, its very probable kids will be bored out of their minds watching this. A dull, navel gazing Popeye, a mono-syllabic Bluto, no Goons, terrible songs..

Sounds like a one star movie to me, folks. At least they didn’t attempt Popeye And Son…..

The_Curmudgeon_Hates_You@yahoo.co.uk

This is one of the strangest, most boring, most badly acted movies my family has suffered through. Even the kids, who like almost anything as long as it’s not black & white, hated it. The music is terrible, Popeye’s lines are almost incomprehensible, and Shelley Duvall’s Olive Oyl is not cute or sweet or even the least bit likeable. She is only annoying — completely, totally, irritatingly annoying. When the octopus pulled her under water near the end of the film, my nine-year-old said, “What a relief! At least we don’t have to put up with her anymore.”